What really makes people happy?

As a counsellor, one of the most common goals I hear from clients is simple yet profound: “I just want to be happy.” But what does that really mean and more importantly, how do you harness it? Often clients don’t recognise what their version of happiness is and therefore, never really stand a chance of achieving it. What does happiness mean to YOU and how does that look in your life? Happiness could be moments of peace or freedom, it doesnt have to be the 'big things' in life.

Over the years, both research and first hand experience have helped shape a clearer understanding: happiness isn't just about external circumstances. It's about how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us. And certain traits, habits, and mindsets show up again and again in the lives of the happiest people I’ve worked with.

Here’s what I’ve seen and what the research supports:

1. People Who Prioritise Relationships

Happy people often place a high value on their relationships. They nurture strong connections with family, friends, and communities. From a counselling perspective, secure attachments and emotional support are critical for resilience and emotional well-being. Whether it’s a partner who listens or a friend who shows up, these bonds help buffer life’s stresses and enhance joy.

2. People Who Practice Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just a feel-good practice—it’s transformational. Clients who take time to reflect on what they’re thankful for, even during tough times, often report feeling more optimistic and grounded. Gratitude shifts the focus from what’s lacking to what’s already abundant in life.

3. People Who Are Emotionally Flexible

The happiest individuals aren’t necessarily the ones who avoid negative emotions—they’re the ones who learn how to process and move through them. They accept that sadness, anger, or fear are part of the human experience. In therapy, this is often called emotional regulation, and it’s a skill we can all develop.

4. People Who Live with Purpose

Having a sense of meaning—whether through work, relationships, or personal passions—is a key driver of happiness. In session, I’ve seen clients flourish when they connect with something greater than themselves. It gives their life direction and motivation, even in hard times.

5. People Who Are Kind to Themselves

Self-compassion is often overlooked, but it’s a powerful foundation for happiness. Clients who learn to silence their inner critic and treat themselves with the same kindness they’d offer a friend are more resilient, more confident, and ultimately, more content.

So, who are the happiest people? From a counsellor’s chair, they’re not the ones with the most money, achievements, or even the least amount of struggle. They’re the ones who choose connection over isolation, gratitude over comparison, flexibility over perfection, and self-kindness over self-judgment.

Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a way of being. And with the right tools and mindset, it’s available to all of us.

Sources:

Momeni, Mansoor & Seyedkalali, Nader & Reza, Mohammad & Anvari, Akhavan & Raoofi, Zeinab & Zarrineh, Ali. (2011). What Kind of People are the Happiest? An Empirical Study. Int. Rev. Bus. Res. Pap.. 7.